Alas, the road to a clean, functioning home is not smooth; it’s filled with dirty dishes, piles of laundry and undone chores.
When housework isn’t shared responsibly by the people living in the house, be it a couple, or roommates, it gets frustrating. One or more parties might just stew in boiling resentment, explains Catherine Hall, an American Abu Dhabi-based organising expert. “The truth is, we can’t always have the perfect 50/50 division of housework. It’s not realistic; everyone has different schedules. There will be a day when someone falls sick, or there’s an emergency. So, you could decide on a plan that’s realistic for your lifestyle, moods, and preference.
"A lot is also based on your understanding of each other. Everyone’s time is valuable, she says. If your wife has been allotted the dishes for a day, but is too tired, you can pick up the slack too," adds Hall. “Housework isn’t ascribed to gendered roles. Aren’t both of you living in the house?” If it’s too much to handle between just the two of you, see what could be outsourced, she says.
Well, many residents of UAE have appeared to achieve something close to perfection, after much turmoil. For instance, Dubai-based Samrudhi Das (name changed on request) used to be livid when her husband would just leave the pile of clean clothes on the bed and not fold them away. “He would be too tired after work, and would not help with many of the household chores. So I would do his share, along with mine, after my hectic workday. Neither would he vaccum, even though he could see the dust and dirt, so clearly visible on the floor. And then I wondered, why am I doing this? That’s twenty minutes of my life that I’m never going to get back,” she remembers. So after several fights and arguments, the couple finally had an honest discussion, realising the problems of suppressed issues and anger. They drew up a list of who does what, and how to help each other on difficult days.
“Household work doesn’t sound like a deal-breaker, but trust me, it’s a crucial part of living with someone,” adds Das.
Other couples share how they have managed to divide the housework between themselves:
‘I hate doing the dishes, so he does it. I do the cooking’
It takes a few hits and misses to understand who does what, but you can get there.
For instance, UAE-based Aika Morata, a Filipina expat who works in the aviation industry tried a series of trial-and-error with her French partner. “During the first year of our relationship, we had to explore what works for both of our schedules, and who does what chore,” she explains. However, this practice didn’t work out, as invariably, one of them hated doing a particular chore.
“I hate doing the dishes, so he does it. I hate folding the clothes. So he does that too,” adds Morata. She enjoys cooking and vacuuming, so she took it on. “With regard to dusting, we agreed to do it weekly, and alternate between the two of us,” she explains. “So, we listed out all the chores that build up every day, and who does what and when. We also came up with the frequency of doing the chore,” she says.
‘Ebb and flow’
Some couples don’t bother with any specific allocation; they just know what needs to be done.
Lynn Kolesky, a South African and Abu Dhabi-based expat, doesn’t have stringent rules in her household. “We ebb and flow. No one has a specific allocated chore. We both know what needs to be done, and take turns doing it. If I’m busy and the dishwasher needs emptying, he empties it. If he’s busy and the washed clothes need to be hung out, I hang it,” she says.
Her children help out too: They water the plants, empty the dishwasher. “They are on an allocated schedule, however, because they end up fighting,” says Kolesky.
‘It comes naturally’
Tass Motorwala Barad, an entrepreneur follows similar rules in her household too. “There is no discussion and no particular agreement as such. He takes over the kitchen on the weekends to cook meals, while I cook on the rest of the days. There is no hard and fast rule regarding cleaning. Whoever is available to clean the house will clean it, as I have my small business running from home and at times I get really busy,” she says.
There is no discussion and no particular agreement as such. He takes over the kitchen on the weekends to cook meals, while I cook on the rest of the days. There is no hard and fast rule regarding cleaning. Whoever is available to clean the house will clean it....
Barad enjoys the flexibility. “It just comes naturally. I am glad that we do not have to discuss and divide household chores,” she says.
‘We play to our strengths’
Just like Morata, Abu Dhabi-based Hiloni Hadani, dislikes “doing anything with clothes”. “So, my husband does all the laundry, and sends them out for ironing. He tracks that. I love food, so I make the grocery lists, prepare the dinners and stack up the fridge. That lies with me,” she adds.
So, my husband does all the laundry, and sends them out for ironing. He tracks that. I love food, so I make the grocery lists, prepare the dinners and stack up the fridge. That lies with me...
Once a week, they get the house cleaned too. “The person also needs to be told, what has to be done. So, we each take turns. So sometimes I manage that and explain. Otherwise, he does. The division is then equal,” she says.
‘It’s about understanding each other’s workload’
Dubai-based Saloni Kashyap and her husband have their hands full with twin toddlers. It’s a series of tasks, including taking care of the children after work, from shower to cooking dinner and feeding both of them. Then, the day needs to be wrapped up and they have to prep for the next day. There’s also a bedtime routine to follow, including reading to them, brushing, putting on their nightclothes.
So, how do they manage? “Well, we have assigned one child to each,” she says with a chuckle. “I do the feeding, so he does the cleaning up after, for instance,” she adds. The couple has regular open discussions on how to go about these jobs that can get exhausting. “On some days, when one of us is not feeling up for it, the other covers up for them by doing extra work. It is all about being mindful of each other’s mood and workload,” she says. The workload could range from office trials to the child being extra cranky on a particular day.
Jolly Bishnoi has a similar arrangement with her husband. "Normally, he starts work at 9 am. So from 7 am to 9 he handles household chores, while I do few things. In the evening, he handles the dinner. So that's how we manage," she says.
