From migraines to sleepless nights, the culprit behind your suffering could be something unexpected: Your own mind.
Ever lie awake at 2am, replaying awkward conversations like a broken record? Your brain, on relentless repeat, dissects every silence and passive-aggressive barb. These ruminating thoughts plague you not just at night, but throughout your day, from breakfast to the morning commute.
This mental loop has a name: Rumination. And it's more common than you think.
“I spent an entire night worrying whether I had sent invitation cards for some work event,” recalls Diya Bhatnagar, a marketing professional from Dubai. “I kept thinking of the invitation card box, wondering, did I really send all? What if I hadn’t? What would happen to my job?”
She woke up with a migraine.
Alexis Lauren, a British public relations professional was so miserable about a fight with her boss, that she spent the whole night thinking she was going to be fired. “I just kept thinking, how could I have handled this differently? I needn’t have lost my temper,” she says rather abashedly. Her mind imagined half-a-dozen scenarios, each more unpleasant and morbid than the previous.
The brain just chews on those thoughts, for hours.
The midnight meltdown
So, what causes this mental ping-pong?
Night time is a reflection to your day, as Nashwa Tantawy, a Dubai-based clinical psychologist explains. “Most of the time the symptoms that we face during the evening or night time are a reflection to what happened during the day,” she explains. During the day, we are constantly exposed to several stressors, like work, household troubles, or relationship hurdles. This also physically tires us out.
It all piles up and gets intense during the night time and appears in the shape of a meltdown. It causes overthinking and intense anxiety symptoms...
“It all piles up and gets intense during the night time and appears in the shape of a meltdown. It causes overthinking and intense anxiety symptoms,” she says. We are too distracted during the day to actively ruminate over them; the quiet of the night-time offers the opportunity for us to drown ourselves in such reflections. Moreover, just actively thinking about what to do doesn’t cause the midnight spiral; constantly stewing in bruised thoughts and getting trapped in a rut is what’s called rumination.
Think of it as a one-person pity party. Unfortunately, these thoughts don’t let us sleep. It’s nerve-wracking for various reasons, explains Alizeh Khan, a Dubai-based stress specialist and well-being expert. It disrupts your sleep, elevates the levels of stress hormones in your body and can even increase anger and aggression. You keep revisiting the wrongs in your mind, almost making yourself ill, she says.
A state of hives
Yes, the constant latching on that one thought creates physical havoc. It could be that comment that you made at a party. You thought it was funny at the time, but now you realise it could just be rude. And, your body will also react. Sometimes, hives, as in the case of Dubai-based Natalie Shaw, a British entrepreneur. “I can think myself into a state of hives. It’s usually to do with work and clients. I’ve sat and obsessed over what can go wrong the next day, and woken up with red and itchy hives,” she explains candidly.
There has been research on this too. A 2012 study titled Getting out of rumination: Comparison of three brief interventions in a sample of youth, published in US-based The National Library of Medicine, suggests that rumination can cause negative emotions, even without depression or anxiety, and might create a vicious cycle where rumination just leads to more rumination. This fractures your ability to think and process emotions, according to the study. This leads to impulsive behaviours, intensified stress and chronic health problems.
So, how does one talk oneself out of such midnight spirals?
Well, one solution is to treat yourself as you would treat a friend, according to Reema Baniabbasi, a Dubai-based counselling psychologist. Sometimes you need to hear this annoyed, angry frustrated voice.
Think of it like a person who needs to be understood and not silenced.
Sometimes, just embracing this angry voice in your head, is the way to snap out of it.
Stop fighting fire with fire
Imagine your close friend is venting to you, says Baniabbasi. They’re upset; they’re constantly rambling, sometimes not making any sense. Yet, you want to be there for that person, help them through this spiral.
You use gentle words, comfort and solace.
And, that person is you. These midnight ruminations can also sometimes be viewed as an opportunity to have a better relationship with yourself, she says. The reason why the voice is going on in your head like an annoying drone, is because they haven’t been acknowledged. Once you do, the voice quietens and is more comforted.
Think of it is as a friend venting to you. Think of it as a friend who is feeling unheard and overwhelmed...point out that thought that is causing you anxiety.
As Baniabbasi says, stop fighting with fire. If you don’t tell your friend to shut up, neither should you tell yourself that. So, be supportive to yourself, and show up. Think of it as a friend who is feeling unheard and overwhelmed. So, read between the lines.
Point out that thought that is causing you anxiety, explains Baniabbasi. If you can, try writing it down and understanding the emotion behind this rumination. Don’t try to force yourself to sleep: You’ll just have an uneasy sleep, with negative thoughts running through your head. You need to acknowledge the tension first, and work on letting go of it. Name those feelings, she says. It’s like a meeting; let the voice or voices speak for 1 to 2 minutes, addressing all their issues. Understand what the message is trying to say.
This interrupts the endless rumination loop and redirects the thought process to something more productive. Moreover, the process works with gentleness, compassion or suppression.
Before engaging in deeper reflection, try moving around a little; attempt a few light stretches or breathing exercises. Once you gain more control of yourself, start looking at the areas where you have power and influence. What resources can help you deal with this spiral? Also, how much of this is real? Or are they just reactions to memories? Try to reframe these memories into a more wholesome image.
This attempt of acceptance has actually proved instructive, as studies show. In 2018, a study titled The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts, published by the American Psychological Association found that acceptance of emotions and thoughts without judgment is linked to better psychological health. This can curb the impulsive reactions to negativity, and slowly introduce a sense of cool detachment that helps you re-center yourself.
An ice pack, or two
Sometimes, these thoughts can spiral out of control. You need to assess the trigger and the frequency of these midnight meltdowns, says Tantawy.
If it’s a panic attack, you’ll wake up, and this is a deeper indication of underlying symptoms. “These negative scenarios that we keep ruminating over, stem from anxiety and emotions that need to be understood,” she says. These are usually accompanied by physical symptoms as well: Waking up, or even a rise in temperature. The tight knot in your chest, and the sudden changes in your breathing.
Sometimes, before you can proceed to the state of mental reflection: You need to get your physical symptoms under control. “So, start by managing the symptoms first,” she says. “Do some breathing exercises. Try reducing the body temperature with the help of cold water, or ice packs. Hold your breath, while applying it to yourself, and then remove it. This helps bring down the body temperature,” she explains.
In this state, our body is full of energy and emotions. And, we also need to find a way to release this. So, consider distractions first, she explains. Attempt to distract yourself with different activities or tasks, or even intense exercises. A workout can help release endorphins, which will help you release energy, she adds.
Of course, other methods for these midnight ruminations involve gratitude journals where you try revisiting more soothing memories to talk yourself out of it, as Khan explains. Work to focus on the better parts of your life, rather than just wallowing in self-pity.
